Commercials / Deadpan
Kettle Hill Sprinkler Day
Kettle Hill Mutual is a home insurance company. Two neighbors stand on their lawns with coffee while a broken sprinkler floods one yard, then the other. The actors play total calm. Nobody raises their voice and nobody moves. The comedy is in the stillness.
Two front lawns side by side. On the left, a sprinkler head shoots water twelve feet straight up.
PAT stands ankle deep in the puddle, holding a coffee. SAM stands dry on the other lawn, also holding a coffee.
SAM
(flat)
That's a lot of water.
PAT
(flat)
Yep.
SAM
Is it supposed to do that.
PAT
Nope.
A garden gnome floats slowly past.
SAM
(beat)
You have Kettle Hill?
PAT
I do.
SAM
Oh. Then you're fine.
PAT
(sips coffee)
I know.
The sprinkler sputters. A second geyser erupts on SAM's lawn.
SAM
(looks at it, then at Pat)
I don't have Kettle Hill.
PAT
(sips)
I know.
Title card: Kettle Hill Mutual.
SAM
(to camera, still flat, water rising)
Kettle Hill Mutual. Covered means calm.
End of script
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