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Kettle Hill Sprinkler Day
Kettle Hill Mutual is a home insurance company. Two neighbors stand on their lawns with coffee while a broken sprinkler floods one yard, then the other. The actors play total calm. Nobody raises their voice and nobody moves. The comedy is in the stillness.
Characters
- PAT - 30s to 50s, any gender, a homeowner standing ankle deep in water, completely unbothered
- SAM - 30s to 50s, any gender, the neighbor, dry, curious, not yet aware of what is coming
Setting
Two neighboring front lawns on a sunny morning, one of them flooding from a sprinkler head shooting straight up.
Two front lawns side by side. On the left, a sprinkler head shoots water twelve feet straight up.
PAT stands ankle deep in the puddle, holding a coffee. SAM stands dry on the other lawn, also holding a coffee.
SAM
(flat)
That's a lot of water.
PAT
(flat)
Yep.
SAM
Is it supposed to do that.
PAT
Nope.
A garden gnome floats slowly past.
SAM
(beat)
You have Kettle Hill?
PAT
I do.
SAM
Oh. Then you're fine.
PAT
(sips coffee)
I know.
The sprinkler sputters. A second geyser erupts on SAM's lawn.
SAM
(looks at it, then at Pat)
I don't have Kettle Hill.
PAT
(sips)
I know.
Title card: Kettle Hill Mutual.
SAM
(to camera, still flat, water rising)
Kettle Hill Mutual. Covered means calm.
End of script