Lead Focused / Comedy
Pre-Shift Meeting
Noah was promoted to manager four days ago. He has a laminated agenda and twenty minutes before service. The walk-in dies, the printer will not stop, and the reservation book has betrayed him.
The back dining room of a small restaurant. Chairs are still up on the tables. NOAH stands at the head of a pushed-together table holding a laminated sheet. BEA, RUBEN, and KIP sit. Somewhere in the building, a receipt printer is printing without stopping.
NOAH
Okay. Welcome to pre-shift. First one with me as manager, so bear with me. I made an agenda.
BEA
He laminated it.
NOAH
I laminated it. Item one. Specials.
RUBEN
There are no specials.
NOAH
There's the halibut.
RUBEN
The halibut is in the walk-in. The walk-in is at fifty-one degrees.
NOAH
Since when?
RUBEN
Since I checked it. Which was when you said "item one."
NOAH
(trying to write on the laminate with a marker that doesn't work)
Okay. Item one is now the walk-in. Kip, call the repair guy.
KIP
Which one?
NOAH
The number's on the wall by the phone.
KIP
There's like nine numbers on the wall by the phone. One of them just says "DO NOT CALL."
NOAH
Don't call that one.
KIP goes. BEA holds up a long ribbon of receipt paper.
BEA
It's printing the same ticket. Table twelve, two soups. A hundred and forty times so far.
NOAH
We don't have a table twelve.
BEA
We do now.
MARISOL enters with the reservation book, smiling.
MARISOL
Quick thing. Fun thing. You know the party of twenty at seven?
NOAH
Item two. Reservations. Yes.
MARISOL
There's also a party of eighteen at seven-fifteen. The book was open to the wrong page when you took them. Both of them. On different days. Same page.
NOAH
That's thirty-eight people.
RUBEN
Thirty-eight people and a warm halibut.
NOAH
Okay. Okay. Deep breath. Item three. Positivity.
BEA
You wrote "positivity" on the agenda.
NOAH
I wrote "Item three, positivity, two minutes." Because the book I read said that a team that...
The lights flicker off. Then on. A smoke alarm somewhere begins to chirp once every ten seconds.
NOAH
Is that a fire?
RUBEN
That's a battery.
NOAH
Is it gonna be a fire?
RUBEN
Everything's gonna be a fire eventually. That one's a battery.
KIP
(returning, phone in hand)
He says he can come Tuesday.
NOAH
It's Friday.
KIP
He knows. He said it with, like, a laugh.
NOAH sits. He puts the laminated agenda face down.
NOAH
Bea. How many managers have you had here?
BEA
Six. Seven if you count the week Dana's nephew did it.
NOAH
What did the good ones do?
BEA
There weren't any good ones. There were ones who asked.
NOAH
Okay. I'm asking.
BEA
Move the party of eighteen to the patio. It's warm out. Tell them we're doing it special for them. Light candles so they can't see the patio.
RUBEN
Put the halibut on ice in the bar sink. I'll sell it all by eight, or it's staff meal. Either way it doesn't hit the trash.
MARISOL
I'll call the twenty and tell them seven-thirty. People love being told a later time. It feels exclusive.
KIP
I can unplug the printer.
NOAH
Can you?
KIP
Nobody's ever let me try.
NOAH
Kip. Unplug the printer.
KIP runs off like it's the greatest day of his life. A crunching sound. The printer goes quiet.
NOAH
(standing again)
Okay. Revised agenda. Item one: don't die. Item two: patio. Item three...
BEA
Positivity.
NOAH
Positivity. Two minutes.
His phone buzzes. He looks at it.
NOAH
It's the owner.
RUBEN
Don't answer it.
NOAH
(answering)
Hey! Yeah. No, everything's great. Totally under control.
The smoke alarm chirps. The lights flicker. Offstage, KIP shouts "I FIXED IT" and something metal falls over.
NOAH
(brightly, into the phone)
That's just the team. Being positive.
He gives the room a thumbs up. BEA gives him one back. It's almost sincere.
End of script
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