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Step Seven
It is 2 a.m. and Priya and Kels are building a bookshelf with instructions that clearly belong to something else. Kels insists on finishing tonight. Priya starts to wonder why her roommate suddenly cares so much about furniture.
Characters
- PRIYA - 26, dry, observant, holding the instruction booklet
- KELS - 27, upbeat, evasive, holding an Allen wrench like a weapon
Setting
The living room floor of a small third-floor apartment, 2 a.m. on a weeknight.
A living room floor at 2 a.m. Cardboard, foam, an ocean of screws. PRIYA, 26, holds a booklet. KELS, 27, holds an Allen wrench. Half a wooden object stands between them.
PRIYA
Okay. Step seven. Attach panel F to panel... there is no panel F.
KELS
There's gotta be a panel F.
PRIYA
There's A through E and then a thing shaped like a kidney.
KELS
That's F.
PRIYA
It doesn't say F on it.
KELS
Nothing says anything on it, Pri, that's the whole design philosophy. Give me the kidney.
Priya hands it over. Kels tries to fit it. It does not fit.
PRIYA
Can I ask a question.
KELS
No.
PRIYA
Why does the picture have drawers.
KELS
What?
PRIYA
On the front. The little guy with no face is putting in drawers. We don't have drawers. We have shelves. We bought a bookshelf.
KELS
It's a... modular system.
PRIYA
Kels.
KELS
Maybe the drawers come later.
PRIYA
It's 2 a.m. Nothing comes later. Are these the wrong instructions?
KELS
They were in the box.
PRIYA
Were they in this box?
Kels looks at the other box across the room. The bigger one. The one that hasn't been opened.
KELS
Okay so hear me out.
PRIYA
Why is there another box.
KELS
Just, structurally, a dresser and a bookshelf are basically the same. It's all right angles. You just gotta believe.
PRIYA
You bought a dresser.
KELS
I bought a dresser.
PRIYA
We have a dresser. We have two dressers. I'm looking at a dresser.
KELS
Hand me the screws that look like the other screws but shorter.
PRIYA
Why did you buy a dresser at midnight.
KELS
It was a sale.
PRIYA
And a bookshelf. You don't own books. You own one book and it's a cookbook and it's mine.
KELS
Okay, first of all, rude.
PRIYA
Where's the dresser going, Kels. Where in this apartment does a third dresser go.
KELS
(very focused on the kidney)
It's kind of a gray area.
PRIYA
Is the gray area in Denver.
Pause. Kels stops. Sets down the wrench.
KELS
Who told you.
PRIYA
Nobody told me. You've been weird for two weeks. You cleaned the shower. You said 'love you' when you got off the phone with the cable company.
KELS
I panicked.
PRIYA
And Sam's lease starts the first.
KELS
It's not because of Sam.
PRIYA
Okay.
KELS
It's not. I mean. It's a little because of Sam. But I got the job. The real one. The one I told you was a long shot.
PRIYA
The long shot.
KELS
I was gonna tell you. I was gonna tell you at, like, step twelve. Once we had something to lean on.
PRIYA
You bought furniture so you'd have something to do with your hands while you told me.
KELS
Yeah, that's... yeah.
PRIYA
That's the dumbest thing you've ever done.
KELS
I know.
PRIYA
I love it. I hate it. When.
KELS
End of the month.
PRIYA
That's three weeks.
KELS
I know.
Priya looks at the half-built thing. She picks up the booklet. Turns it over in her hands.
PRIYA
Congratulations. I mean it. I'll be nicer about it tomorrow.
KELS
You don't have to be nice about it.
PRIYA
I'm gonna be so nice about it. I'm gonna help you move. I'm gonna carry this dresser down three flights and I'm gonna say nothing.
KELS
Pri.
PRIYA
Also you're taking the kidney. Whatever it is. It's going to Denver.
Kels laughs, a little wet. Priya turns the booklet upside down. Looks at it.
PRIYA
Oh. Oh no.
KELS
What.
PRIYA
We've been reading it upside down. This is step one.
KELS
(picking up the wrench)
Okay. Panel A.
PRIYA
Panel A.
End of script