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Sold As Is
Cal spent four years of Sundays taking care of their father in the house they grew up in. Robbie stayed away. Now the house has sold, and Robbie has driven them both to the curb outside it with an envelope he has not opened yet.
Characters
- CAL - 44, the older brother, steady, tired, does not raise his voice until he does
- ROBBIE - 36, the younger brother, restless, quick to leave a room, trying not to this time
Setting
A pickup truck parked at night on a residential street, outside a one-story house with a SOLD sticker across the sign.
A pickup truck parked at the curb in front of a small one-story house. A for-sale sign in the yard with a SOLD sticker slapped across it. Night. Engine off.
CAL, 44, in the driver's seat. ROBBIE, 36, in the passenger seat, holding a manila envelope.
CAL
Just say it.
ROBBIE
I'm gonna say it.
CAL
You've had the whole drive.
ROBBIE
I'm working up to it.
CAL
Rob, we're parked outside the house. You didn't want to go to the bar. You didn't want to go to my place. You said, let's just drive, and then you drove here. So either you're gonna tell me or I'm gonna guess, and you're not gonna like my guess.
ROBBIE
What's your guess.
CAL
You're sick.
ROBBIE
I'm not sick.
CAL
Okay. Thank God. Okay. Then what.
Robbie hands him the envelope. Cal opens it. Reads. Reads it again.
CAL
This is a closing statement.
ROBBIE
Yeah.
CAL
This is Mom and Dad's address.
ROBBIE
Yeah.
CAL
Your name's on it.
ROBBIE
Cal...
CAL
Your name is on it, Robbie.
ROBBIE
I closed Tuesday.
CAL
Tuesday. It's Saturday.
ROBBIE
I know what day it is.
CAL
We sat in that lawyer's office, both of us, and we signed the thing. Sell it, split it, done. That was the deal. You said, and I'm quoting you, I can't be in that house another minute.
ROBBIE
I know what I said.
CAL
So what, you got a discount? You had the inside track? You bought Dad's house from yourself?
ROBBIE
The estate sold it to the highest offer. That's how it works. I put in the highest offer.
CAL
With what money?
ROBBIE
That's not really...
CAL
With what money, Rob.
ROBBIE
My half. Plus the loan. It's a lot of loan.
Cal gets out of the truck. Stands in the street. Looks at the house. Robbie gets out the other side. They talk across the hood.
CAL
You couldn't sit with him one weekend a month. I asked you. One weekend. I did four years of Sundays in that kitchen and you couldn't do one.
ROBBIE
I know.
CAL
And now you want the kitchen.
ROBBIE
I don't want the kitchen. I don't know what I want. I saw the listing go live and I saw the pictures. They staged it, Cal. There was a bowl of lemons on the counter. And I just... I couldn't let some stranger have the lemons.
CAL
That's not a reason.
ROBBIE
No. It's not.
CAL
Why didn't you tell me.
ROBBIE
Because you'd have talked me out of it. And I didn't want to be talked out of it. I wanted one thing in my life I didn't run from.
Cal doesn't answer. He walks around the front of the truck. Looks at the SOLD sticker.
CAL
The other offer.
ROBBIE
What?
CAL
Your agent tell you about the other offer? The one you beat?
ROBBIE
She said there was one. Cash. Came in low.
CAL
Came in low because that's what I had.
Robbie stares at him.
ROBBIE
No.
CAL
Denise and I emptied the retirement. She thinks I'm crazy. I told her, it's the house, I'll fix the roof myself, we'll rent it, I don't know. I didn't have a plan either.
ROBBIE
You didn't tell me.
CAL
You'd have talked me out of it.
Beat. Something almost like a laugh from one of them. It's not clear which.
ROBBIE
So we both...
CAL
Yeah.
ROBBIE
Like two idiots.
CAL
Two idiots and one bowl of lemons.
Robbie takes a key ring out of his jacket. Holds it out across the hood.
ROBBIE
Roof's still bad.
CAL
I know the roof's bad. I've been on the roof.
ROBBIE
So come be on the roof.
Cal doesn't take the keys. He looks at the house.
CAL
Keep it. It's yours. You won it.
ROBBIE
Cal.
CAL
But you're gonna call me before you touch anything. The kitchen especially. You call me first.
ROBBIE
Every time.
CAL
Every time.
He gets back in the truck. After a moment, Robbie gets in too. Neither of them starts the engine.
End of script