Monologues / Dramedy
Reasons I Cannot Attend
June has won a school award and would rather do anything than collect it on stage. She has brought the counselor a list of reasons. The real one is not on the list.
A school counselor's office during lunch. A bowl of mints, a motivational poster, a chair that is slightly too low.
JUNE, 16, sits with her bag on her lap like a shield. She has a printed letter in her hand.
JUNE
Okay, so, I've thought about this a lot and I've come up with a list, and I'd like you to hear the whole list before you say the thing about the scholarship.
One. I have a condition where I can't be on a stage. It's not diagnosed but it's real.
Two. The certificate could be mailed. People mail things. It's a whole industry.
Three. Awards night is on a Thursday, and Thursdays are, historically, bad for me.
(off the counselor's look)
I know. I know it's mandatory. I read the letter. I read the letter four times. I read it in the bathtub. I read the part where it says "families are warmly invited" and I read the part where it says "recipients must attend to receive."
She folds the letter in half. Then in half again.
Four.
(beat)
My dad said he's coming.
He said it on the phone. He said, "wouldn't miss it, Junebug," which is a thing he says. He said it about the play. He said it about the swim meet. He has a very good record of saying it.
So I've done the math, and it's better if I'm sick. If I'm sick there's no chair. If there's no chair there's nothing to look at. I get the certificate in the mail, in an envelope, from the industry, and nobody has to watch me watch the door.
(quickly, brightly)
So. Can you put me down as sick. Or, honestly, if it's easier for the paperwork, put him down as sick. He won't mind. He's not gonna check.
End of script
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